This is one of my favourite parts of the ceremony.
Couples feel a lot of pressure to write the ‘perfect’ vows. It’s worth remembering that you are writing these words for that person, who you love most in the world & are now marrying. You aren’t writing them for your guests, your friends & family. They’re for your partner, the one who knows you best. & they love you, just the way you are! So no matter what you say - they will love it & it will be perfect for them.
That said lol - I do have some tips to help you totally nail them!
Share or Surprise?
Decide whether you’d like to write your vows together or keep them secret from each other until the ceremony. Either way works really well – just think about what works for you as a couple. If you do decide to keep them as a surprise, make sure you send them to me before the ceremony so I can make sure you’re both on the same wave length.
Structure and Length
If you do decide to write your vows separately, it’s a good idea to discuss number of lines, or a word count – to avoid one partner doing a mini thesis on love and life, while the other says just a handful of words! Many couples choose to start and end with the same line and then individually ‘fill the gaps’ in between.
Tone
Heartfelt and sentimental? Humorous, yet touching? Most couples end up going with a combo of both. Loving banter is all good but don’t fill the vows with all ‘in’ jokes (a couple is fine). & this is definitely not the right time to give your partner for life a roasting - that would be really icky for everyone!
Brainstorm
Resist the urge to Google & Chat GPT! Write about your relationship, your partner, and everything about them that makes you grateful, inspired and amazed. Let the words flow. Don’t worry about grammar or editing or spelling – just get your ideas down. Things to think about would be:
- Why you fell in love in the first place.
- What do you love about your partner/relationship
- What are some of their amazing qualities
- How do they make you a better person
- Think about what it is that makes you want to spend your life with this person.
- What do you want your marriage to ‘look’ like.
- What do you want to promise to them
Don’t forget to have fun with it, this is just the initial brainstorm. You know from the heart what your partner means to you, & your own responses to the above list. So just get it all down!
Edit
Pick 5-10 points and use these as a starting point for each line. Write a first draft and then go back to it the next day. Cut out any words or phrases that don’t add any value. Aim to be succinct but sincere. Don’t waffle through your vows. & you’re not righting a thesis!
A structure that works well for the final version is:
What do you love about them.
What are you looking forward to in married life.
Any promises you want to make.
Be yourself
If ever there is a moment to just be ‘you’ – it’s saying your vows. Your partner loves you for you, so let your true self shine. Be brave, be bold and you’ll be surprised (and delighted) where the pen takes you.
It’s worth putting in a bit of effort to script vows. You get to say to the person that you’re about to marry - what they mean to you, why you’re looking forward to marrying them, promises. The important thing is that you have written them, to say to that all important person, on your big day.